The Fondest Farewell

"There's a beauty in going someplace new-someplace you don't yet know that doesn't know you, where anything can be. But there's also something beautiful to returning someplace familiar where people know you, where people have shared moments of their lives with you and you with them" 

Being outside the familiar that is your home is a challenge and it makes you question just about everything you know and believe. I spent months taking every new sight, sound, smell, feeling, and way of interacting with people. Trying to adapt to a new culture full of things that I like and don't like, all without loosing myself and my own identity and culture. It really is an exhausting experience. It is also something that I would do all over again and encourage for others.  

It has been nearly a year since I packed my bags and went to Italy. Now it seems like it was all a dream. I have to reassure myself that I really did spend all that time there, that it isn't something that I will easily forget. It was all more like a dream come true. Even as the stamps in my passport fade, they will always be a reminder of the world out there that is just waiting to be explored. I guess this could be a farewell that I have put off writing because then it means it really is over. There was so much anticipation, but when I was finally there time passed in a strange way, too quickly. I imagined I would have so much time there, but it passed by so quickly and slipped through my fingers like sand. Now I walk away from it all with a better understanding of the world out there along with the people, myself, and of good coffee! I'm also walking around waiting to hear Italian down the streets, or pass by my favorite gelato shop, or have all the time in the world to soak up a foreign city. But now I know the only way I can do that again is to pack my bags again and hop on a plane. 

“Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers. The mind can never break off from the journey” ~Pat Conroy

We created a symphony in the kitchen, drank fresh juice, ate all kinds of pasta, watched sunsets, debated the existence of god, drank wine. We wore our best lounge wear and paired it with our biggest smiles. We walked in the cold crisp air, smiled at strangers, and met our neighbors. We hopped on trains, buses, planes, and even a camel or donkey or two. We were visited by a little lion of a cat and let go of the past year. We slept through the sunrises and were thankful for the joy and abundance in our lives. We all showed up just as we are, connected by our sense of adventure, and came away with just what we needed. I am home in California now, but without longing. My roommates in Italy were more than I could ask for. I never could have hoped to get to share so much with them. I know we'll return to our memories for years to come and create new ones along the way. Thank you girls!

"I have worn the dust of many foreign streets, but to brush it off would surely be a crime. I have the memories of many foreign adventures, but to forget them, would surely be a sin. So, breath in the dust, and keep the memories in" ~Rowland Waring-Flood

Dear my home away from home,

I can call you that right? I know we just got to know each other and everything and now I've left and all, but I feel like we've really connected over the past months. I mean, I could just call you Italy like everyone one else, but I feel like we've moved past that though, don't you think. I did move in and everything. I'm writing this letter to tell you how much I've enjoyed getting to know you. In fact, I've been really surprised at how well we've gotten along together. I know you probably think that a year just isn't enough time with you and I completely agree. A lot of people said I would love it here, that you are just amazing. And, well, they were right. I barely know you at all and it would take me years to become even vaguely familiar with your complexities, something I hope I can take more time to do.

I could lie and say that every moment was bliss but we both know there were times where I just didn't understand you, and I may never will. Like during the cold winter months when I would have rather abandoned you to venture to a more tropical location instead. But then again, who doesn't want to spend their days at the ocean?

Anyway, Italy, there's something I need to tell you. You see..well..I don't really know how to say it…but…I think I'm in love. Yup. With you. Okay, okay, this might be a little sudden, but I can't help how I feel. You just have so much to offer and so much joy.

I've absolutely loved being a part-time Italian. But now it is time for me to say goodbye. Not goodbye, but rather see you soon. I'm not sure when "soon" will be, seeing as I have added about every place in the world to my wish list. No worries, though, it will happen.

It's been amazing, truly amazing, but now it's time to catch a train for the last time. Goodbye to the now familiar faces, to a city that captures time and history and admires its beauty, even in the simplest forms. And goodbye to pizza and gelato! Grazie for welcoming me and for allowing me to observe your people, traditions, lifestyle, and culture.

"I see beauty in a dark winter sky. I can recognize a genuine smile from twenty yards. I have a new appreciation of fresh fruits and vegetables" Eric Weiner, The Geography of Bliss

Even though this trip is over for me, my sister and her husband just moved abroad and are going through a similar adventure that I had. They are going for school, but not as students, as teachers. They will have a more settled life there as expats and I'm so excited to hear all about it! It will almost satisfy my urge to hop on a plane to introduce myself to another culture. 

"There are times to stay put and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself" ~Lemony Snicket 

As for me, there is something in me that wants to try to control my future. There is also something in me too that tells me to try to control the future as little as possible. It's when I let go and let the wind blow that I find myself in the most unexpectedly perfect places with the people I need at that point in my life. I'm not sure where that will lead me. What I do know is that I want to see the world. To experience it. To become familiar with cultures that fascinate me. I want to contribute something. I feel so fortunate to the opportunities that I have and feel that I need to take advantage of them. 

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

What I do know is that rigid plans are never a good idea. Flexibility is key. I think the best approach would be of a sailboat blowing through the wind. I have the ability to respond to the wind as it blows but I realize I can't control which direction it leads me. So I move with it to avoid capsizing while taking in the sea mist, sun rays, stormy waves, and sometimes violent winds. 

"My path unclear, I leap forward into the unknown. Because looking back has never been an alternative"

This is one of those big moments. Those moments when you know you are at a crossroads. You don't know what lies ahead, but you know that whatever is it, the possibilities are endless. Right now, I'm at that point. I'm done with school. And yes, in case you forgot, apparently I had been going to "school" while I was in Italy. I've been thinking about what exactly I'm doing next. I've been thinking about it a lot, figuring out my options and what will make me happy. I can do anything. I want to tell you that I have no idea what I'm going to do with this clean slate, but I'm hoping it's something that fulfills me. I have ideas, but these are just general ideas that if I take action towards, I know more opportunities, that I am not even aware of yet, will present themselves. But before then I have to take the first step. And this step, as you would imagine, involves a plane ticket...  

"The wish to travel seems to me characteristically human: the desire to move, to satisfy your curiosity or ease your fears, to change the circumstances of your life, to be a stranger, to make a friend, to experience an exotic landscape, to risk the unknown" ~Paul Theroux, The Tao of Travel